There was a point in my life when I realized what I thought someone else was going to fix was actually my job.
At three years old I witnessed the devastation of my grandfather’s passing in a family that didn’t take death well. The intense grief ricocheted through my mother’s entire skeleton, contorting her hands, spine and feet as the young twenty-three year old was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis. I knew then where and what flared through her entire body and what emotions detonated her physical trauma but no one was allowed to speak of him, not yet. My family were really good at ignoring their emotions, pretending everything was fine as the bingo always helped create the theater of distraction.
But, thirty years later and a tumor manifested from the rheumatoid medication which sends my father into a tailspin of helplessness compounded on years of neglected emotions of his own. The slow burning depression toppled into a full breakdown as I watched Western medicine treat the physical but ignore emotional sobbing of his soul’s torment. They didn’t think it mattered until it manifested into matter and now it mattered a lot. As I said I thought someone else was going to solve this problem but that was supposed to be me; willful ignorance was now not an option as I went between the ICU and the men’s psychiatric ward.I was done watching this horror treating the physical dis-ease, tranquilizing past pain and pretending everything was fine, it was time to be all-in. Learning Reiki to take the pressure from my father’s head and keep my own sanity during the process developed as my incredible Reiki Master, Christine Ross (Glasgow) suggested I immerse into Emotional Freedom Technique which I unwillingly agreed. Unwillingly, as my own insecurities and fears arose from trying to articulate this invisible force of Reiki to the unusual tapping of EFT but my father’s severe clinical depression and my mother’s cancer eclipsed my embarrassment. What others thought of me was irrelevant as the two people I treasured the most needed me to dig them out of their abyss of pain, hopelessness and emotional graveyard.
Being on this journey with them was the most raw moments of my life from colostomy bags, four deaths, depression, fighting institutions to pull them both out of a quicksand of despair. Their journey taught me a lot about that sweetspot of encouraging, backing off, leaving someone alone to pushing and I thank them for that. Both my parents are practicing students at level two in the Pause in Joy path finding new ways to remember their joy and injoy each moment giving thanks.
There was something calling me to Los Angeles that I didn’t quite understand but took the call. I realized it is everyone here I have worked with that called me here and I will continue to follow that calling as Spirit has a greater plan than I could every imagine. I am eternally grateful to Gurmukh Khalsa, the Queen of Kundalini, Vanity Fair, 2007 for her personal endorsement to attune the pregnant women at the world famous Golden Bridge Yoga. Her blessing opened doors where there were no doors bringing me to 2017 and the launch of the incredible Heal Documentary I was honored to be part of. I look forward to new exciting possibilities to heal, to be a way of living your dream life and be the joy bringer of my time.